Divorce is a long and winding road. I first considered divorce at the end of 2021, and after two lawsuits spanning a year and a half, I’ve learned a lot. Along the way, I consulted (and paid for) ten different lawyers. Now, I want to share what I’ve learned to help other sisters navigating this difficult process.
Tip 1: Do You Really Need a Lawyer?
My advice? Yes, absolutely. Even if you’re trying to save money and plan to file on your own, at least consult a lawyer first. Courts won’t guide you on how to gather evidence or structure your case for the best outcome.
The smartest move is to get legal advice before filing—understand what to expect, what evidence you’ll need, and how to secure the most favorable terms.
That said, if your divorce is straightforward—no kids, no shared property, no family disputes—and you have the time and energy to handle it yourself, you might manage without one. Otherwise, hiring a lawyer is non-negotiable. This is their expertise; they know the system far better than we do. Spending money on a good lawyer now can save you from much bigger losses later.
Tip 2: What Kind of Lawyer Should You Hire?
Find someone who specializes in marriage and family law. One lawyer I consulted was recommended by an acquaintance, but during our meeting, it was clear they had no real experience in divorce cases—they even had to call someone else for answers mid-conversation.
If I’d hired them, it would’ve been a disaster. Moral of the story? Don’t feel pressured to hire someone just because they were referred by a friend.
Tip 3: Male or Female Lawyer?
A female lawyer often understands a woman’s perspective better, especially when discussing sensitive issues that might feel uncomfortable with a man.
An experienced female divorce lawyer, especially one who’s been through marriage herself, will grasp the emotional struggles and practical needs women face in these situations. What we often need most is empathy—not just legal strategy.
That said, divorce cases hinge on evidence, evidence, evidence. Here, female lawyers tend to be more detail-oriented and thorough, which is a huge advantage.
Tip 4: Responsibility and Support Matter
From my experience, divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. Mine dragged on for over a year, and some sisters fight for two or three. You need a lawyer who’ll stick with you through the long haul.
I get that lawyers aren’t available 24/7, but if yours takes days to respond or ignores follow-ups, they’re not the right fit. A reliable lawyer helps minimize stress—not add to it.
Tip 5: Don’t Skimp on Quality
A friend of mine hired a lawyer for just 3,000–4,000 RMB due to budget constraints. It was cheap, but she paid for it in the long run—the lawyer was inexperienced, missed key arguments, and even made dismissive remarks in court.
In my case, a professional, reliable lawyer acted like a shield. Whenever I felt overwhelmed or unsure, they bought me time and space to regroup. Without that support, the emotional toll would’ve been unbearable.
Trust me: Divorce involves too many moving parts—people, emotions, legal complexities. If you’re already struggling, the wrong lawyer will only make it worse.
